Late 2019 I had a ‘beauty spot’ appear on my face. Sure, it looked cute, after all, they aren’t called beauty spots for nuthin’. In fact, they used to be a thing, way back to the Roman Era…more fascinating info on that here. There were even meanings assigned to the placement of the “beauty patches”.
But…
It grew, so I contacted the dermatologist, it didn’t look like much so we (I) decided to let it be for a bit…in hindsight, hmmmm, maybe I shouldn’t have waited. But I’ve had moles all my life, so it didn’t seem to be a big deal.
But it grew…but I also had vertigo, which seemed more important than some silly mole. Dealing with vertigo takes a lot out of ya, so I was trying to get that resolved.
And it GREW.
Then Covid happened and who was going to the Dr for ANYthing other than Covid? Right, no one.
Finally, the mole was scary-hag big…no hairs growing out of it, though…and that seemed like a bad thing – bigness not the hairlessness, so I made another Derm appt.
Well, one biopsy later, the mole is gone but it was melanoma. So now we go deeper…deeper…to remove the invisible parts of what remains beneath.
That was last November, 2020. The surgery incision was about an inch long and right in the left laugh line running down from my nose to the edge of my lip…pretty perfect placement, I thought.
After I woke up from surgery, I bounced out of the gurney feeling like a hundred bucks – literally from asleep to completely alert – but the next day I felt like I’d run a marathon pulling a train behind me. They might have been too enthusiastic with the ventilator pressure.
But, since that time there have been PET, MRI, CAT scans, what-have-you and there are 2 other areas that ‘could’ be suspicious.
Up til now, I’ve told people its cancer, lower case c, italisized. We don’t know much and I’ve friends who went through more – or are going through much more.
But then, that lymph node begins to swell until I look like I’m holding a jolly-big walnut below my left jaw…which is right where you would expect something like that to happen…if you know anything about how the lymph node system works, which, apparently, I get to learn now.
The biopsy is done in what used to be a storage closet, I kid you not.
Still hard to get a good read on the biopsy, and still its growing so its gonna come out, which it did about 2 weeks ago. And THAT 18” incision isn’t so fortuitously placed. OK, its not 18” but it feels like it. I had to measure it and its only 6” which is crazy small, considering it feels like its 18″. It runs from below my ear to my Adam’s Apple…does Adam’s Apple get capitalized?
Coming out of this surgery was awful, awful. I was immensely groggy. The sweet RN got me up to go potty, or at least he tried, but the vertigo! There was simply no bladder control…there’s more to that story but TMI… This time, I did NOT feel the next day like I’d run a marathon. It did take a day or so to get control of the bladder back. Remind me next time to prepare ahead by getting some adult diapers, ‘kay?
I had to sleep sitting up, leaning a little to the left to take pressure off the incision. This I did, plus a bunch of naps, in the pilot house of our boat. It was perfect, sitting on the couch and overlooking the marina. Except when the sun started to set, then Rick had to put up a curtain since it shines right in there.
Anyway, the incision is huge and looks like someone tried to reupholster my neck. The stitches were not delicate. Exactly what you’d expect in a horror movie.
What it feels like
What it is
Turns out horror movies got that right part right, anyway. So, really awkward drainage tube with blood-in-a-bulb was removed a couple days later. That was so icky, so so icky. After 10 days the crazy-quilt stitching is removed and I no longer am wearing scarves to hide the incision so I don’t scare the little kiddies.
This scar is who I am now so phooey on anyone who doesn’t like it. Yesterday I volunteered at a Veteran’s charity golf tournament and did NOT feel like everyone was staring at my neck! I’m pretty sure those Vets have seen a lot of scars, so mine was no big deal. Of course, I’m still stiff and can’t turn my head all the way to the left or upwards but that’s gonna pass. I won’t mention that it feels like someone packed my neck with green florist foam.
So, the bad news is…the surgeon removed 16 lymph nodes…in reality they are practically scraped away since they are close to and attach themselves to nerves and fat and muscle and tendons so its delicate work. Hence, the inability to turn my head all the way to the left or upwards (but that’s gonna pass).
Of the 16 nodes, 6 of them had obvious lesions. That’s DEfinitely not good…complete results aren’t back yet from the rest of the nodes.
I’ve an appt with my oncologist – who thought I’d be saying THOSE words in my lifetime? – this coming Wednesday. The bit of research I did is scary but hopeful at the same time. And some of it is contradictory. So that’s great.
There are many, many positive stories for every sad one. Will I be one of the fortunate ones or not? Who knows, its one day at a time.
But, for now, I have peace
I’ve upped the alarm to DefCon3, but still, I have peace. I know I’m in Good Hands.
Btw do NOT post anything about this on facebook or twitter or anything else…or ELSE!
Not everyone knows and I’d like to keep it that way 😉
My Better House 